Mr. Sandman- Bring Me A Dream

A friend of mine with a nine month old daughter posted this on Facebook today:

“I have a theory that your kids diaper contents are based on how good or bad of a person you were before you had kids. Apparently I was a nun murdering, puppy beating cannibal that robbed blind children.”

Child-related karma!  That’s it!  That’s why I am doomed to be woken up from a dead slumber every single night until my kids go off to college.  All those time I called in “sick” to work so I could sleep off a hangover are now catching up to me.  Ok, so now I have the appropriate label.  How can I pay into my good karma fund and get a decent nights’ sleep?

Kellen has taken to waking up screaming “Mommy! Mommy!” in the middle of the night.  I used to stumble blindly into his room, jam a pacifier in his mouth, and sleepwalk back to bed.  I was awake just enough to be sure to bemoan to my husband in the morning about my tough job requirements, but not actually awake enough to lose much sleep.  But Kellen is no longer pacified by the paci.  Upon entering his room, he says “rock-a-bye” and insists on being held and sung to, until he can meander back to dreamland.

While this is annoying, it should be a fifteen minute job at most.  But we are now playing the game where the second I put him back into his crib, he starts screaming and we begin the process all over again.  I hold my breath, and move with all the speed of a turtle on Vicoden, hoping if I can just lay him down ever so gently, he will remain asleep.  But no sooner does a molecule of his skin touch the bed, and he is screaming loud enough to wake the baby across the street.  Two nights ago, I completed this cycle five times before insisting my husband take a turn.  I have no idea how many additional sessions he put in.  By that time, I was too tired to care.

My first thought was “is he sick?”  When Kellen has an ear infection, he exhibits similar behavior.  But in this instance, he has no other symptoms.  He’s happy through out the day, no fever, no snot.  He had a checkup just last week, and was deemed to be in perfect health.  I felt I had to give it at least a couple more nights before rushing to the doctor for the third time in six weeks.

My second thought is “Cry It Out.”  But Kellen is stubborn like his mother.  If I put him to the test of waiting for him to cry himself back to sleep, he will outlast me every time.  I can almost hear him thinking “Ok bitch, you asked for it” before taking a deep breath and letting out an Olympic-caliber wail.   I have tried CIO a couple of times, only to find that instead of Kellen crying himself back to sleep, the whole house wakes up crying.

Which brings me to my second problem.  Liam has also been waking up screaming “Mommy!” but for an entirely different reason- wetting the bed.  He is three and a half years old, and has not worn diapers for quite sometime.  We used to have issues with not making it to the potty in the middle of the night, but that was roughly six months ago.  Now, we are back to having to change the sheets in the middle of the night 2-3 times a week.

I try not to get upset, or to make him feel bad for having an accident, but FUCK!  I thought I was done with this part!  Some days I wonder just how many decades I will have to wait before I no longer have to spend my days and nights cleaning up other peoples’ pee and poop?  All of you veteran moms out there, please contain your giggles- I can’t handle the truth.

I tell him that when he feels like he needs to go, he shouldn’t wait- just run to the potty.  He tells me “Ok Mommy.  I’ll remember that for next time.”  I ask him if perhaps he wants to go back to wearing pull-ups at night and he says “No, I like underwear.  I’m a big boy.”  What am I to do?

He seems to think he needs to wait for me before he can get out of bed.  I have repeatedly told him he is allowed to get up by himself, but he doesn’t seem to grasp this.  He just stays in bed and yells “Mommy! Mommy!” until I come.  Or maybe by then the deed is already done.  He no longer naps for me- EVER!  Another fun subject.  Perhaps he is so tired in the night, he doesn’t feel it until it is too late.

Tonight, I take the step of stopping liquids after dinner.  Sounds easy.  You are wondering why I haven’t tried this sooner.  Well, Liam is REALLY attached to his bedtime routine.  He knows he gets milk before bed, and when he’s tired, we enter tantrum territory when we break the routine.  I know I shouldn’t let that stop me.  But by the end of the day, I’m ready to throw a tantrum if I don’t get what I want- which is a tantrum free night.  Ugh, such a vicious cycle.

One again, no solutions, only rants.  Keep your fingers crossed for us.  And if you know Mr. Sandman, put in a good word.

This entry was posted in crazy on you, rants and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s