Porn on the Cob

Breasts.  Boobs.  Tits.  Guzungas.

One of the features of wordpress is that I can see what search terms people use to get to my blog.  Every day I see a list of search terms like “teen boob press story,”  “girl growing boobs story,” “huge boob story,” “boob press,” and “how to show my boobs to boys” (these were all actual terms used today). Why are these search terms directing them to my blog?  Because I wrote a tale chronicling my empowerment through pregnancy and breastfeeding titled “The Story of My Boobs.”  Yes, there is a bit more to the story, but I don’t believe it to be a lurid tale.

https://yourmamasallwrite.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/the-story-of-my-boobs/

I suppose I could change the title and tags, or take the post down.  But I think it is kind of funny that people with a case of the hornies get directed to my very unsexy breastfeeding tale- unless you are the type of person turned on by latch techniques and stretchmarked saggy mom boobs (Yes, I know that guy exists).  I guess I should give a certain amount of kudos for searching for literary porn instead of jerking it to a Victoria’s Secret ad (do guys really do that?).

I have never quite understood porn.  I mean, I get the idea behind it- it is supposed to illicit feelings of desire that assist in increasing pleasure.  I just don’t quite get why it is considered sexy.

When I moved in to my first apartment, a couple of girlfriends bought me a copy of Playgirl- a house warming gift for the bachelorette pad.  This was 1994, and the singer from Jackyl was on the cover.  Curious, I opened to the photo feature to see what he had to offer.  The photographer attempted to capitolize on his rocker status, and had the singer flop his penis over the side of a guitar he was holding.  It was the most unarousing photo I have ever looked at- and I’ve seen that photo of Bea Arthur in the nude.

 

 

 

Contemplating this post, I thought back on a particular memory that sort of sums up the porn experience for me.  I went with a group of friends to see the Legendary Pink Dots perform.  I could not take my eyes off the saxaphone player.  Shaved head, wearing a perfectly taillored hot pink and blue print suit, black nerd glasses and playing the sax.  Mama says yes!

I met him after the show and told him I thought he was so sexy, I wanted to have his babies.  He laughed because the only thing I could find in my purse for him to autograph was a condom- a bit counter productive for baby making.  That experience could serve as porn for me.

We left the concert and went to a friend’s house.  We walked in, and there were about three or four guys sitting around watching the TV.  I glanced over to see what was on, an it was a hard core video.  This was not Skinemax- we are talking full penetration.  I was perplexed and creeped out by this situation. I waited a few minutes to see if they would turn the show off now that guests, in particular women, had arrived.  But they just kept watching.  After a few minutes, I excused myself and went home. Do people do this?  Sit around and watch porn together?  I was surprised there wasn’t pop corn being passed around.

It’s not that I’m a prude.  I would never deny a person the right to look at whatever they wished to, so long as it was legal.  I just don’t understand the appeal.

I asked a friend what was the gist, and he said there are two reasons.  First, porn is easy.  You simply find a suitable photo or video and go to work.  Second, you put yourself in the scenario.  I still don’t quite get it.  What is easier or faster than your own imagination, especially if you want to be the star of the show?

This is where things got a bit interesting though.  I had mentioned the search terms to my friend, and he said “what does ‘boob press’ mean?”  I hadn’t even really thought about it.  I guess I just assumed it was a common term people look for when searching for porn.

I googled “boob press” and almost all links that came up were for middle eastern women.  Some of the links were quite tame by American standards- a hug between two fully clothed people whose chests happen to touch.  Others were a little on the disturbing side- a video shot on a bus in which a man touches a woman’s shoulder and tries to move down to her breast.  She removes his hand and I believe asks him to stop (the video is in another language so I’m not really sure). A few seconds later, he tries the exact same move.  The woman jumps up and begins yelling at him and the whole bus gets in an uproar over it.  Granted, it was again tame contact by American standards, but if a woman asks you not to touch her, you should leave her alone.

I began to wonder again about the terms leading to my site.  Are they perhaps coming from Middle Eastern countries where out and out pornography might be prohibited?  Is my story about breastfeeding considered porn in another country simply because it talks about breasts?  Or is it just a strange coincidence people somehow land on my site before searching for hotter fare?

I have no idea.  But if you need a bump in your stats, just mention the word “boobs” at the start of all your posts.  It may not be the crowd you want, but you will get traffic.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in crazy on you, rants and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s